Now that it’s summer hiatus and there isn’t much new on TV to watch or write about, I’ve decided to take on an experiment of sorts. Each week I will force myself to sit through a show I can’t stand, but for some inexplicable reason gets a lot of press and somewhat decent ratings. It’s going to be painful, but interesting…I hope. For the first edition, I decided to watch the reality show I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. This damn show is in the news every day – why???? I could care less if Hedi and Spencer Pratt have quit the show…oh no wait they’re back…oh they quit again…just kidding now they’re back and one of them is dying or some shit. Ugghhhh…make it go away. Okay, back to the experiment. After suffering through this ridiculous show here are my thoughts on it.
First of all, let’s start with the title “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.” Ummmm…I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no, you’re not celebrities. I’m not even sure who half of you are and I’m pretty on top of my celeb gossip. Let’s check out the list of “celebrities” on the show:
Heidi and Spencer Pratt: Two douches who waded through the douche pool of LA to somehow find each other and morph into the Uber-Douche. Oh and they really heart Jesus or at least they claim this on the show. Sorry Heidi and Spencer, but I just talked to Jesus and he says, “Thanks, but no thanks.”
Stephen Baldwin: Alec Baldwin’s brother who made a couple movies in the ’90s. Not famous.
Daniel Baldwin: Same as Stepehn Baldwin, cept he didn’t make a couple movies in the ’90s.
Janice Dickinson: Okay Janice, I’ll give this one to you. You’re kind of a celebrity, but only kind of.
Sanjaya Malakar: People voted for this kid on American Idol, because he massively sucked and they thought it was funny. This doesn’t make you a celebrity, this makes you a national joke.
Torrie Wilson: Can someone please tell me who this chick is? NBC says she’s a former pro-wrestler, but she weighs like 90 lbs. How can she be a wrestler? I feel like my 13 year old cousin could take her on and win.
John Salley: No idea. Athlete?? Maybe??
Lou Diamond Phillips: Hi, my name is Lou. I was La Bamba and famous in the ’80s. Now…not so much.
Frangela: I’ve seen these chicks on those Vh1 I Love the Whatever shows. They’re actually pretty funny, but I still wouldn’t call them celebrities.
Now let’s talk about the show and my reactions to it. Firstly, the so called “torture” of Heidi and Spencer that was so hyped up in the media was the biggest let down ever. That was not torture. You know what torture is? Having to watch these two tools on TV. Next time, try making them watch clips of themselves on The Hills over and over and over again. No one can survive that kind of psychological torture and actually, this is what the U.S. uses now instead of water-boarding.
Next impression. I thought I was watching a reality show, when did this become bible camp? Seriously, I haven’t heard so many people talk about God and Jesus since the CCD classes my Mom made me take as a kid.
I really can’t stand thinking about this show anymore, so here are a few of final thoughts on this farce of a show. One, I felt worse for the animals in that weird tank of water challenge than I did for Janice or Sanjaya. Two, Heidi went to the hospital…but I heard she came back, yet another let down. Three, I had to turn this show off a little over an hour into it and four, I’m never watching it again.
Check back next week to see how my second edition of Experimental TV goes. I’m thinking about suffering through The Bachelorette, but if guys have any suggestions for another horrible show – feel free to let me know!
Yo – can I have Jesus’ number?