Gossip Girl Spin-off?? Ummm…Thanks, but No Thanks (aka just in case you didn’t know this was the ’80s – there’s a guy sitting in the backseat playing with his Rubik’s Cube)

Last night’s episode of Gossip Girl featured flashbacks centering around Lily’s life as a teenager.  These flashbacks are supposed to serve as a launching pad for a spin-off show about the wild adventures of teenage Lily in the 1980s.  I wasn’t exactly excited about this concept, but I was curious to see how it would play out.  I wasn’t, however, expecting to hate it as much as I did.  The still untitled Lily show hasn’t been picked up for next season, and now I know why.

The flashbacks were boring and I couldn’t seem to invest myself in the characters or the unoriginal plot line.  The reason I love watching Gossip Girl is because it’s campy and over-the-top.  This new show seems to be none of those things.  The more I watched, the more I kept thinking “Ughhh stop with the flashbacks! You’re ruining a perfectly good Gossip Girl episode.”  At one point, I even wanted the characters to shut up so I could actually hear No Doubt’s new song playing in the background.  That’s a bad sign.  It took all my willpower not to Tivo forward through the horrendous flashbacks.

The flashbacks even managed to ruin the ’80s and I adore the ’80s.  I was a child of the ’80s and am a fan of pretty much anything ’80s related (especially music).  Somehow though, the flashbacks made this aspect of the show annoying.  It’s like okay, I get it – the show takes place in the ’80s.  Seriously, I get it – you can stop shoving Rubik’s Cubes, Jane Fonda aerobicize videos, cocaine fueled yuppy parties, cheesy ’80s fashion montages, and pretty much any other ’80s stereotypes in my face…I GET IT.

The dialogue was ridiculous as well.  Early in the flashbacks, Lily asked some greasy looking boy, “So, is this the moment where you fall in love with me? It totally is, isn’t it?” and greasy boy repeated this line back to her later on.  Well, if they were directing that question towards me, the answer is  no – no this is not the moment where I fall in love with you.  This is the moment I try not to get extremely pissed off that I wasted twenty minutes of my life watching you just so I could see this week’s Gossip Girl.  Also, why did the characters sound like they were out of Clueless?  In case the writers didn’t know, Clueless took place in the mid-’90s, not the early ’80s.  My only reward for sucking it up and powering through the flashbacks was that there was a cute Chuck and Blair moment at the end of th episode (this only managed to appease me for like a minute though).  So CW, if you’re still debating whether or not to pick up this horrendous show and waste one of your two precious open time slots on it – don’t do it.  It’s not worth it.

Why is the new 90210 trying to ruin the old, good 90210??

Dear new 90210,

Why are you so intent on tarnishing the good name of “Beverly Hills, 90210”?  I’m not going to lie, I hated you from the first moment I heard about you.  I hated how the CW promoted the crap out of you before you even shot the pilot.  Let’s get real here – you had the cast giving interviews about their characters before they had even shot a scene!!  But I digress, let’s get back to the real issue at hand.  Why you feel the need to destroy the 90210 legacy.

When the original 90210 ended back in 2000 (which was a very emotional day for me by the way) the writers made sure to tie up all the story lines in a happy little bow that we die hard fans could love.  Golden couple Donna and David got married, Dylan and Kelly were together again (I would’ve preferred Brenda – but I’ll take what I can get), Steve Sanders somehow matured into responsible family man, and everyone was happy.  Fans were left to imagine how the rest of our beloved characters’ fairytale lives would play out.  But then eight years later the new 90210 (which will from now on be referred to as Crap210) had to swoop in and ruin everything.

Let’s use the character of Kelly as our first example.  According to Crap210, she now works at West Beverly as a guidance counselor.  Kelly Taylor…..a guidance counselor……seriously???  Did the writers even watch the original show?  Kelly should NOT be giving advice to teenagers.  First of all, she stole Dylan from Brenda (not cool) and she’s kind of a mess.  I mean she’s been addicted to cocaine and diet pills, joined a crazy cult, and shot and killed the man who raped her.  She’s got some serious issues of her own to work on.  Also, what happened to her career in PR?  Again, I digress.  So Kelly also has a son with Dylan now, something which should make the old fans happy.  Instead, Crap210 has decided to make Dylan a deadbeat father who abandoned them.  Thanks Crap210!!  That’s just great.  Just because you can’t get Luke Perry to guest star does not mean you should ruin the character of Dylan.  You should’ve just left well enough alone and not even given Kelly a son to begin with.

Our next example involves Donna.  I loved Donna and David.  They were the Golden Couple of 90210.  Sure, they had their ups and downs, but when it came down to it they were the poster children for true love on 90210.  For this reason, I was a little weary when I heard Tori Spelling would be reprising her role on Crap210.  This could only mean bad things….and I was right.  David and her now have a baby together (yay!). But….wait for it……they’re also separated!?!  Now you’ve really pissed me off.  Those two characters better get back together ASAP.  You do whatever it takes to get Brian Austin Green to guest star.  I want my Donna and David happy and together.  Also, here’s another question for you.  You decided to make the character of Silver bipolar.  Now I’m assuming this was not an accident and you did this because her half-brother, David, was also diagnosed as bipolar in the original 90210.  However, you have completely failed to mention this connection on the show – which, in turn, defeats the purpose!  Am I supposed to believe that no one, not even David’s wife Donna, would bring up David’s experience?  And that David himself couldn’t be bothered to fly to LA to be with his half-sister and help her through this?  No – I don’t believe it – so you might want to fix this little problem too.

So Crap210, in conclusion, you have basically destroyed everything good about the original 90210.  If rumors are correct and you are in fact killing off Jim Walsh, well you’ve got even more problems coming your way.  There is, however, one thing you could do that would make me forgive you for all the horrible things you’ve done and even brighten my day just a little bit.  It’s really a very simple solution to a very large problem.  Please kill off the character of Andrea Zuckerman.

All my love,

Krissy