An Ode To Steve Sanders

Oh, Steve Sanders how I heart you.  You are the most underrated yet pivotal character of 90210.  Without you, 90210 just wouldn’t have been the same.  You were overshadowed by Brandon, Dylan, and eventually even little David Silver.  But you didn’t let this phase you.  You stayed true to yourself and just kept on trucking.  You always brought a little something extra to the show, whether it was the amazing poodlesque mullet you rocked in the early years or your cheesy one-liners.  You were what people in the 1950s called a horndog.  I don’t really know what that means, but it seems to suit you.  You were the classic cheesy guy coming on to a plethora of women, who could not resist that sparkling Sanders’ charm.  You even somehow managed snag a smart chick like Claire Arnold, so props to you Steve.

What I love most about you though is your amazing fashion sense.  You took ’90s fashion to a whole new level.  Everything you wore had that special ’90s flare.  Playing volleyball, you rocked out in some teeny neon bathing suit trunks and sported a very manly tank top.  Even playing baseball, you put the extra effort in to really become that character of “baseball coach” and proudly wore your capri-cut baseball pants and matching cropped belly shirt.  It was poetry through clothing with you Steve and this is why I’d like to nominate you for the Face of Early ’90s Fashion.  Because let’s face it, nobody did it better than you, Steve Sanders, and nobody ever will.

To me, Ian Ziering, you will always be Steve Sanders.  I don’t care if you somehow manage to score another TV show part or if I awkwardly run into you late night in LA and scream out, “Holy crap, it’s Steve F-ing Sanders” when I think my car window is closed when in fact it is not and you can totally hear me…in my eyes, you will always be Steve.  Maybe it’s time and maybe the world is ready for, dare I say it…..a Steve Sanders spin-off?  Who am I kidding, the world will never be ready for a TV show as bold and daring as that.  So maybe it’s better we leave it this way Steve.  Maybe we just let you drift off into the ’90s pop-culture memory…and fade away like hand print fading from a hypercolor t-shirt.

Why is the new 90210 trying to ruin the old, good 90210??

Dear new 90210,

Why are you so intent on tarnishing the good name of “Beverly Hills, 90210”?  I’m not going to lie, I hated you from the first moment I heard about you.  I hated how the CW promoted the crap out of you before you even shot the pilot.  Let’s get real here – you had the cast giving interviews about their characters before they had even shot a scene!!  But I digress, let’s get back to the real issue at hand.  Why you feel the need to destroy the 90210 legacy.

When the original 90210 ended back in 2000 (which was a very emotional day for me by the way) the writers made sure to tie up all the story lines in a happy little bow that we die hard fans could love.  Golden couple Donna and David got married, Dylan and Kelly were together again (I would’ve preferred Brenda – but I’ll take what I can get), Steve Sanders somehow matured into responsible family man, and everyone was happy.  Fans were left to imagine how the rest of our beloved characters’ fairytale lives would play out.  But then eight years later the new 90210 (which will from now on be referred to as Crap210) had to swoop in and ruin everything.

Let’s use the character of Kelly as our first example.  According to Crap210, she now works at West Beverly as a guidance counselor.  Kelly Taylor…..a guidance counselor……seriously???  Did the writers even watch the original show?  Kelly should NOT be giving advice to teenagers.  First of all, she stole Dylan from Brenda (not cool) and she’s kind of a mess.  I mean she’s been addicted to cocaine and diet pills, joined a crazy cult, and shot and killed the man who raped her.  She’s got some serious issues of her own to work on.  Also, what happened to her career in PR?  Again, I digress.  So Kelly also has a son with Dylan now, something which should make the old fans happy.  Instead, Crap210 has decided to make Dylan a deadbeat father who abandoned them.  Thanks Crap210!!  That’s just great.  Just because you can’t get Luke Perry to guest star does not mean you should ruin the character of Dylan.  You should’ve just left well enough alone and not even given Kelly a son to begin with.

Our next example involves Donna.  I loved Donna and David.  They were the Golden Couple of 90210.  Sure, they had their ups and downs, but when it came down to it they were the poster children for true love on 90210.  For this reason, I was a little weary when I heard Tori Spelling would be reprising her role on Crap210.  This could only mean bad things….and I was right.  David and her now have a baby together (yay!). But….wait for it……they’re also separated!?!  Now you’ve really pissed me off.  Those two characters better get back together ASAP.  You do whatever it takes to get Brian Austin Green to guest star.  I want my Donna and David happy and together.  Also, here’s another question for you.  You decided to make the character of Silver bipolar.  Now I’m assuming this was not an accident and you did this because her half-brother, David, was also diagnosed as bipolar in the original 90210.  However, you have completely failed to mention this connection on the show – which, in turn, defeats the purpose!  Am I supposed to believe that no one, not even David’s wife Donna, would bring up David’s experience?  And that David himself couldn’t be bothered to fly to LA to be with his half-sister and help her through this?  No – I don’t believe it – so you might want to fix this little problem too.

So Crap210, in conclusion, you have basically destroyed everything good about the original 90210.  If rumors are correct and you are in fact killing off Jim Walsh, well you’ve got even more problems coming your way.  There is, however, one thing you could do that would make me forgive you for all the horrible things you’ve done and even brighten my day just a little bit.  It’s really a very simple solution to a very large problem.  Please kill off the character of Andrea Zuckerman.

All my love,

Krissy